How to stop suicidal thoughts?

I’m wondering, does anyone know how to stop suicidal thoughts? I’ve ben trying to deal with this problem now for a while. If anyone has any tips, please coment below.


a song for all survivors of abuse and others to

Here’s a song that made me think of all survivors, and people with mental illness (eating disorders, dissociative disorders and PTSD)

She holds her dear life to the end of the sleeves in her hands

Covering up lies that she wrote with a razor sharp pen

But the steel of the blade

Is no match for the pain

Of the loneliness she’s going through

But we’ve all been there to.

Praise God we don’t have to hide scars

They just strengthen our wounds

And they soften our hearts

They remind us of where we have been

But not who we are

Praise God

Praise God

We don’t have to hide scars.

This song made me think of all survivors. 😊


treatment: feeling stuck trigger warning

I feel like I’m asking to much of my team. I asked my therapist what we were supposed to do if outpatient therapy wasn’t enough for the eating disorder because of the multilayered issues, and she said, well, you’re just going to have to use the resources you have. I asked her if she was willing to learn about all of our issues, and she said she couldn’t fit it into her schedule. She got frustrated with me for showing my emotions about the lack of services. She said that my tone was disrespectfull. All I was doing was expressing my anger at a system of mental health that has failed us so many times. I told her it was hard for us to trust the process because so many people have told us that we were to much to handle and that we needed someone who was versed in chronic trauma. The DBT therapy is just one group a week. It’s not a full DBT program like with phone coaching and stuff. I cant move to Peoria or Chicago because I don’t really know anyone there who can support me/us. She was frustrated because I forgot to set up transportation because of dissociation. I told her that a few days can pass without me even being aware of it. I guess we just need a plan like a crisis/higher level of care plan for the ED. I hope I’m making sense. I hate sounding like I’m complaining about the lack of services here. She said if I can prove that I can show up for two more appointments then she would schedule appointments for every week after that. We really didn’t do therapy today. I just kept asking her about treatment options and stuff. She told me that I was never going to be satisfied with the answers that she gives me because it doesn’t fit into my little box of an ideal world. She said she didn’t feel like I was really trying to get better but I have been actively seeking treatment options, and I’m getting exhausted. Guess I will do this DBT group thing and if relapse happens with the ED then I just may end up becoming another statistic because of a flawed system. I told her that recovery isn’t leniar which she says she knows, but she says everything goes back to relationships. I tried to explain that the eating disorder ran deeper than just relationships that it all went back to the trauma and the way we view our body and that programming also had something to do with it. Sorry this is so long.


Why I have been am I a

Hi everyone,

So the reason I have been am I a is because we have been in the hospital for the last four days. Was told there that they could not help and that we needed more long-term treatment outpatient. Still looking for eating disorder treatment and therapists who specialize in dissociative issues, but still no luck. Going to keep trying though some of the nurses there were less than professional. For example, one day I asked them to check my heart rate, and it was 161 when I was standing up, so I want to get another nurse, and when she came in she listened to my heart and said that it was 82. I told her that my heart rate does not go down when I stand up especially by half, and she said, “well it is 82 and that is what I’m charging it as because I’m the professional. “I hate people who use their power of being a professional know to take power over someone else. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and then an appointment with my primary care provider on Thursday. Hoping that the homemaker can start soon so that we can get this house straightened up. I’m also going shopping with my caseworker on Friday. Spoke to the national eating association, and they told me that really the only treatment facility they found was an IOP program in Peoria.

Echo Today

So, I have my echo today. Hopebblly, nething is wrong. I won’t get the test results back for a while. lly, I can still wear lotion and stuff like that. does anyone have any tips for showering, cleaning the house, and cooking when you have POTS? Have a good day, and thanks for reading.


going to sleep

So, Hi, I’m going to sleep for a while. Hoping I can sleep good tonght. The doctor is going to prescribe me a sleeping med if she can get my insurance to cover it. It costs like $13,000 for a 30 day supply. Hoping I can sleep with no nightmares. We will try. If we do wake up, Athena will most likely do something fun.


Trigger warning: ED issues

So, I’m struggling with ED issues. My doctor has made an agreement with me that I will try to take in 750 calories a day, but I’m finding it really hard to do that. We had McDonalds last night, and I’m feeling guilty for that, so eating today is hard. Also, others are wanting to purge, mainly Amilia. Trying to distract to keep that from happening. Thank God I have all of you for support. Any positive affirmations you could send my way would be appreciated.


Good riddance to our former psychiatrist

So we had our last appointment with our now former psychiatrist yesterday because he is leaving, and thank God. He had told us before that he was going to prescribe 3 months worth of medication, but he is now only giving us one month supply. Also, I asked him when or if you knew anyone we could get evaluated for the dissociative issues, and he said that he didn’t know anyone who believed it actually existed. Plus, he said that he did not believe it did existed at all. He said it was just a figment of people’s imagine imaginations. I said how can he not believe something that is in the DSM? He is such a fucking jerk. Sorry for the language, but this angers me to no end. I should report him to the board. in other news, my PCP is referring me to someone she knows who treats pots. This is really good news as hopefully it will give me some answers combined with the second opinion Cardiology appointment that we have coming up on the 29th. Also, she has given me an assignment to take in at least 750 calories per day. I’m hoping I can do this. It’s going to be really hard, but I’m going to try. I’m supposed to go back to see her in 2 weeks to see if my weight has changed, and if it has dropped, we’re going to have to do something different. I am now down to 115 lbs. Later this morning, my caseworker is coming to take me shopping, and then after that the care coordinator from our insurance company is coming to do the paperwork for Homemaker Services which should be starting by the end of next week. She said that we should get roughly 20 hours per week. This is good news. Also, rpcp said that she knows a psychiatrist who might be willing to take us on as a patient. She just has to talk to her, but she says she can be pretty convincing. Given the situation with the insurance and the medication stuff, I don’t think it should be a problem, but we’ll see. I hope everything works out.

Good news about doctors and insurance therapy update and psychiatrist stuff

So, my doctor has agreed to see me even with my current insurance. they’re going to do this until either they get contracted to take my insurance or until I switch plans. This is really good news as it will allow me to stick with a Doctor Who understands my needs and complexities. I have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon, and the clinic is writing off the cost of this appointment because of the insurance situation. Also, my therapist told me that I’m just going to have to learn to use the resources that I do have in regards to my eating disorder, and she also told me to ask the psychiatrist when I go to see them today about ways that I can go about getting further evaluated for the dissociative issues because she said she is not qualified to do those evaluations. I asked her what I was supposed to do if it got to a point where things are medically unstable and I needed more than just inpatient treatment, and she said that I was just going to have to get medically stable and then work with the other stuff on an outpatient basis. I just don’t want things to go downhill and then I not have the support that I need to properly deal with things and then end up going back into a relapse. The other thing that has me worried is that the medication I am on currently is not working like I think it should. One reason for this I think, is because the medication is not out an effective dose to make a lot of a difference. Also, the medication I am on for anxiety is not working. I’m going to talk to the psychiatrist today and see if there’s anything you can do in regards to that. I know they cannot give me anything that is lethal because of the risk of either me or the other alters overdosing on the medication. I know that the borderline personality disorder poses a risk and is a barrier to me actually getting what might help in treatment. I have an appointment in a few hours with my primary care provider because in order to fill the prescription for the ensure that she wrote, I have to have an a valuation by her which she then submits to the durable medical equipment supply store so that they can determine whether they will fill the prescription or not. Ivan have an appointment this afternoon with my psychiatrist to discuss what we are going to do after he leaves. I hope that they don’t have a weight requirement for the ensure prescription to be filled. Also, tomorrow morning my caseworker is taking me shopping, and then after that I am meeting with the care coordinator from my insurance company to do the paperwork so that we can get homemaker services started. She said those it should be started by the end of next week and that I should get roughly 20 hours per week. Also, in therapy yesterday, we discussed on the service reasons for why are use my eating disorder as a coping mechanism. It’s because I feel like so many things are out of my control and it is one way that I can control things. I hope this all makes sense, and thanks for reading.