treatment: feeling stuck trigger warning

I feel like I’m asking to much of my team. I asked my therapist what we were supposed to do if outpatient therapy wasn’t enough for the eating disorder because of the multilayered issues, and she said, well, you’re just going to have to use the resources you have. I asked her if she was willing to learn about all of our issues, and she said she couldn’t fit it into her schedule. She got frustrated with me for showing my emotions about the lack of services. She said that my tone was disrespectfull. All I was doing was expressing my anger at a system of mental health that has failed us so many times. I told her it was hard for us to trust the process because so many people have told us that we were to much to handle and that we needed someone who was versed in chronic trauma. The DBT therapy is just one group a week. It’s not a full DBT program like with phone coaching and stuff. I cant move to Peoria or Chicago because I don’t really know anyone there who can support me/us. She was frustrated because I forgot to set up transportation because of dissociation. I told her that a few days can pass without me even being aware of it. I guess we just need a plan like a crisis/higher level of care plan for the ED. I hope I’m making sense. I hate sounding like I’m complaining about the lack of services here. She said if I can prove that I can show up for two more appointments then she would schedule appointments for every week after that. We really didn’t do therapy today. I just kept asking her about treatment options and stuff. She told me that I was never going to be satisfied with the answers that she gives me because it doesn’t fit into my little box of an ideal world. She said she didn’t feel like I was really trying to get better but I have been actively seeking treatment options, and I’m getting exhausted. Guess I will do this DBT group thing and if relapse happens with the ED then I just may end up becoming another statistic because of a flawed system. I told her that recovery isn’t leniar which she says she knows, but she says everything goes back to relationships. I tried to explain that the eating disorder ran deeper than just relationships that it all went back to the trauma and the way we view our body and that programming also had something to do with it. Sorry this is so long.

Ray