im so fat!! i hate myself. im so disgusting. i want to keep decreasing my calories. i hate this!! i want to recover, but people notice this body now that they say we’re thin… im not though… im fat!!!
Emmie
not ok *tw* ED and weight and suicide
hi its emmie. i dont want to do this anymore. i hate the food. i just cant!!! i wouldn’t mind getting down to 85 pounds or even 80. We’re already 92. or maybe we should just cram our mouth full and risk the refeeding thing. since the insurance or doctors don’t care anyway. just feeling low.
Emmie
food
I had some turkey and mashed potatoes and some stuffing today. I’m proud of me!! and tomorrow we’re having pumpkin pie with our therapist!!!
Ray
[mental health, mental illness, eating disorder, anorexia]
300 FOLLOWERS!!!!!
we have 300 followers!!!! i can’t believe it!!!! thank you all so much for your ongoing support!!!! Love you all!!!! Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate it.
Ray
why DO I HAVE TO SUFFER?
*Trigger* mentions weight
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why do we have to continue to suffer? i dont know. all i know is 20% of anorexics die!!! one person dies every 62 minutes from an eating disorder. I’m 76% of my ideal body weight. what more does my body have to go through? why do my issues be so complex? my issues are keeping me from getting into treatment!!! i just hate this!!! sometimes, i dont care and just want to end my suffering! my heart rate has gotten as low as 43 and as high as 159, and no, i wasnt excercising. what the hell do i have to do to get the help i need?
i cant just go to the ER for fluids because of malnourishment because if i go to the ER, they bollis a liter of fluids in an hour which can cause heart failure. and i cant eat what i’m supposed to to gain weight, because of the risk of refeeding syndrome which can be fatal!! i really feel like i’m in a lot of catch 22s. Like what am i supposed to do? I have lost 80 pounds in the last year!!! i’m just so damn lost!!!
Ray
Why? *tw* sexual abuse
Why did they hurt me? Why did they do those things to me? Does anyone hear my silence? i want the pain to stop. i want to purge to get out all the feelings. I just can’t!!
Amilia
feeling sad *tw*
hi its emmie. im sad today. why cant i just be me? i hate switching. why cant i have some control? just feels like im falling apart.
emmie
This is what can happen to people with anorexia who her on MedicaidColon please share!
My day yesterday and possible legal action
Hello everyone,
So yesterday I called River oaks to ask them if we could do the appeal, and they said they could not because they’re Dr. house to do a peer to peer with meridians medical director, and this cannot be done because they’re Dr. has not seen me. I then called (Meridian) to inquire about other methods, and they said I could not do the appeal that the facility had two. They said we had to do it by today which is not possible. Somehow they have it in their records that I was discharged from river oaks. I don’t know how that is because I have never been there. I contacted an organization called equip for a quality and then working with an advocate named Megan. I told her what my BMI was and how I was being treated by the medical system, and she was shocked. I’m going to see a new primary care provider this morning in about an hour, and hoping that goes well. Maybe she can do the appeal? I’m not sure though, but I can only hope at this point. I am pretty sure we are going to have to sue meridians/Medicaid. Hope everyone has a good day.
Ray
So yesterday I called River oaks to ask them if we could do the appeal, and they said they could not because they’re Dr. house to do a peer to peer with meridians medical director, and this cannot be done because they’re Dr. has not seen me. I then called (Meridian) to inquire about other methods, and they said I could not do the appeal that the facility had two. They said we had to do it by today which is not possible. Somehow they have it in their records that I was discharged from river oaks. I don’t know how that is because I have never been there. I contacted an organization called equip for a quality and then working with an advocate named Megan. I told her what my BMI was and how I was being treated by the medical system, and she was shocked. I’m going to see a new primary care provider this morning in about an hour, and hoping that goes well. Maybe she can do the appeal? I’m not sure though, but I can only hope at this point. I am pretty sure we are going to have to sue meridians/Medicaid. Hope everyone has a good day.
Ray
Sent from my iPhone
THE DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM!!!
I HATE THE DAMN MEDICAL SYSTEM. WE APPLIED FOR A FINNANCIAL ASSISTANCE PROGRAM, AND THEY SAID THAT BECAUSE WE HAD INSURANCE THAT WE DON’T QUALIFY FOR THE PROGRAM EVEN THOUGH THE PORGRAM THAT WE WENT TO ISN’T COVERED BY MEDICAID. THEY JUST SAID, “WE’RE SORRY, BUT WE CAN’T APPROVE YOU.” WELL, FUCK THEM!!! WE WON’T BE PAYING THAT DAMN BILL!!!!
ENIGMA
my multiple life 