living life to the fullest with dissociative identity disorder and other mental And physical illnesses
So we are going to Christmas Eve service in a little while, and then after that we are going to grandmas house for dinner and a gift exchange. Then we are going to our sisters house for a gift exchange and to make cookies for Santa. Then tomorrow morning is Christmas! 🙂
Ray
Hello everyone,
So we’re going home for Christmas. We hope it goes well. We are taking a few supplement drinks with us. Wish us luck. Have a happy Christmas everyone!!!
Ray
When you have Medicaid and an eating disorder, it is next to impossible to find treatment if treatment is not available in your state. What the people at Medicaid either don’t realize or don’t care about is that 20% of anorexics will die. My insurance company told me that sometimes people died because they don’t cover the services they need when I told them this fact. So I am taking things day by day keeping an eye on my heart rate as sometimes when I walk it goes as low as 46 or even 43 bpm which is not normal for someone who is walking around the store. I just pray every day that my body does not decide to give out before I can be helped to get the treatment I so desperately need. I go to my providers who are scrambling and telling me to go to each other with no result because no one knows what to do to fight the monster that is Medicaid. All I hear from the emergency room is either go out of state for treatment or stay home and die. What is this world coming to? All I know are money hungry insurance companies who don’t care about the person but all they care about is the profit and the money they will save by not paying for someone’s much needed treatment. Actually, they are spending more money on crisis stabilization programs that I keep going in and out of when it would be far cheaper for them to pay for the treatment I need that would also be the most effective. Instead, they are constantly telling me that I need this or that for their appeal process and so we have been waiting for over a year languishing and suffering because they want to find a lower cost medically necessary alternative. I find it interesting that there a denial letter says the services that we are requesting are a non-emergent when in the appeal itself it says if we do not get treatment I am at risk of death. How is that not emergent? And the person who reviews the appeal is a psychiatrist, but do they specialize in eating disorders? The short answer is no. They also say that we need to find treatment at a lower cost medically necessary alternative which by the way is breaking state and federal parity laws. They cannot impose a fail first policy meaning they cannot tell us that we need to complete treatment at a lower level of care and fail first before they will approve a higher level of care. They are hoping that by drawing out this appeals process, we will give up trying, and even though there are some days that yes, we want to do just that, we will not. I just hope our body can hold out. Also, they say if we need immediate treatment to go to the local emergency room, but that is a dangerous thing to say because the local emergency room knows nothing about eating disorder treatment and will give a liter of fluid in one hour which for someone with an eating disorder can kill them. I do not nor will I ever understand the logic of a government insurance, and I almost wonder if this insurance company that is run by the government isn’t put in place to continue ritualistic abuse whose goal was for the person to die which is exactly what will happen if we do not get treatment. Coincidence? I think not. The only thing I wanted for Christmas this year was to get into treatment, but that is not going to happen. At least I will be around people I love. We have a long battle ahead of us, and we just hope that physically we can hold out to see it through.
Ray
So they denied the appeal. We are taking them to court. Hope we win. This is rediculous.
They said we didn’t meet medical necessity criteria. To hell with them!!!
Ray
HI ITS AMILIA. I’M JUST SO FULL OF FOOD!!! I HATE THIS!! I KNOW THAT I NEED TO EAT, BUT ITS JUST SO MUCH!!! I KNOW WE NEED HELP, BUT I’M JUST SO AFRAID!!!
AMILIA
tags[alters, DID, anorexia, ED, dissociative identity disorder, eating disorder, mental illness, mental health]
So today, we have a very busy day. Our homemaker is coming in about 20 minutes, and then we have therapy at three. After that, we have our holiday dinner for our apartment complex. Our attorney is also supposed to be submitting the appeal to our insurance company today. Hopefully we will be getting a copy of that appeal. I am very afraid about the holiday dinner because my biggest fear is that people will be watching what we eat. Have a good day everyone, and stay safe.
Ray
So we got the psychiatrist report from when we saw the new psychiatrist on the 30th, the one that we had waited three months to see. He said D ID was BPD and that we needed dialectical behavior therapy. He also wrote that I had histrionic features and that I am being noncompliant with the treatment regimen because I do not want medication. He’s not seeing me anymore. He also doesn’t show any hope in me getting treatment for my eating disorder. If any of you would like the report, I can forward it to you. He is also under the impression that I said I did not want medication for my pots.
Rey
hi everyone,
its emmie. i hate food. Ray is eating a lot today. i cant stand it!! flashbacks are to much!!! god i hate this!!
i want the food out!!!
Emmie
hi everyone. so yesterday, we went to the hospital because our PCP was concerned. we were there for 7 hours only for them to say there was nothing they could do since we weren’t suicidal. they put us in a regular room at first’s, but then they put us in the psych room with the cameras, even though we weren’t suicidal. Then they moved us back to a regular room and we had to wait to get our stuff back after mental health evaluated us.
Mental health said that they couldn’t do anything because the criteria they have for hossitalization states that you have to be suicidal for admission.
My PCP said they couldn’t let me die. so now i don’t know what to do. I feel just so stuck.
[categories eating disorders, mental illness, mental health stigma]
its emmie. i dont want food. i want to be thinner. i just want someone to see me and actually care, like a doctor. im trying, but its just so hard. i cant stop!!! i need to not eat. Do you understand? am i alone? i just want help. i hate this!!!
Emmie
my multiple life 